Today is the 11th anniversary of the day when my family came to America. Back then I was just a little, unassuming boy who had almost no knowledge of English or of America. We were only supposed to stay for two years, but I guess there was a slight change of plans...
How is it that I have already spent eleven years in Eugene? I can still remember how confused I was upon learning that I was living August 26, 1996 for a second time after unboarding the plane. The past eleven years have been a blur, and now it seems absolutely absurd, unfathomable, to think that I will not be calling this place my home.
Right now I feel like I can empathize with my nearly hollow closet and drawers. Toughest is the fact that this last year of high school has been absolutely amazing, and I have made so many friends, many for whom I have such a deep respect and appreciation. Seeing Collin, David, Kaylee, and Andrew off has actually not been as difficult as I had thought, but now the realization of their absence, and of how much they had meant to me, has really sunk in. To be almost 4000 miles from people one has called friends for years, perhaps from elementary school, is a grief one cannot quite put into words, save perhaps the phrase 'Woe is me'.
As I have been packing, I have run across artifacts that brought up memories both old and new. I've come across a Switchfoot concert stub, a penguin-pencil, a Darth Vader Mr. Potatohead, a happy birthday paper crown, recyclable pants, a copy of a matchmaker quiz, and numerous Ultimate jerseys. All of these have brought me such happy memories from over the years.
The only thing that is keeping me sane and composed is the the fact that some of my friends are still here. I have spent the majority of the last three days with James, Aubri, and Greg, whose presence has kept me from straying into a deep metaphorical forest of isolation and sadness. Even today I parted with James for the last time until winter break. I am dreading the evening when I myself must bid farewell to the likes of Greg, Aubri, Ginny, Reed, and whomever, much like those who have departed before me. I can only apologize to those who I will leave behind, and hope that they will not be left with as much sorrow as I will be upon boarding my flight.
-
No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?
Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"
"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"
Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing
Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I will never stop this train
- "Stop this Train", John Mayer
I guess I'm not one to be saying this, but it would be nice if we could all have stayed in Eugene, or local, at least. On the other hand, going to college on the East Coast, with new surroundings and completely new friends, holds a strange intrigue for me that I cannot wait to experience.
It is true that I will be all the way across the country, in a different school, sub-culture, and even time zone (from most of you, at least). I will be just about 2500 miles from the place I have called home for the past eleven years. But it is also true that I am only half a day's travel away! It only takes slightly more time to come back than those in Spokane or Walla Walla. So I am really not as far as you might think. And winter break will be here sooner than we know it. If eleven years in Eugene have passed by so quickly, then four months should be nothing.
As hard as it has been, and still will be, to say goodbye, to see you all again in December will be a joy unlike any other.
So, until then.
3 comments:
Jay....you are one of the best friends I have ever had! The concept of you leaving the day after tomorrow kills me. On the other hand, I'm uber pumped to see what you will do with your gifts and talents. You need to work hard in skool so that we can make the Man Ranch happen hahaha. Yes, I wish you were not going so far away, but frankly I expect nothing less from you. I'm always going to be here for you BUDDY, so if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you PAL. I can't wait to be reunited with you in the winter CHIEF!
I love you Jay!
I know I give you a lot of crap for going to school in pennsylvania but when it comes down to it, I am so very proud of you. I agree with Greg and am excited to see where you will go in life. Then when you do something spectacular, like I know you will, I can say "Hay, that Jay Choi, he is one of my greatest friends. I admire and adore him." Not exactly sure how that will come up in conversation but oh well.
Really though man, I wish that I could tell you how much I will miss you, how much you mean to me, and how much I love you, but I can't. You just have to know it. Know that my life has been made better than I ever thought imaginable because I have friends like you. You, Kaylee, David, Collin, Andrew, Ginny and Luke. All of you have made my life, made me... happy.
Thank you Jay from the bottom of my heart.
jay i wish i could spell that name of yours that i so love to call. and no it isn't the lonely call.... though actually it may become one as i lament your absense. we should start a round of that game we made up on the mission trip. the word game. see how many words you can think of for "sad" "excitement" "anticipation" and.... "epic!" :) i will look ofrward to seeing you again jay, so a) we can watch the sun rise on spencer's butte, over a slush covered valley and b) watch that hilarius youtube video. type in soccer blooper(s?) on youtube and you'll find it. and i guess c)climbing the roof..... or rather dragging me up the roof. haha... good times chegujaaynaah! teehhee. peace birdo.
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